The title of this blog is an irony.

When I created the blog for my Janai, I struggled to find the appropriate title to define her.  Eventually, it dawned on me:  Janai Raquel - Our Little Chatter Box.  She was a chatter!  Then her autism became visible and more pronounced and the chatter didnt really turn into words and some of the chatter disappeared.  Seeing the title "chatter box" feels like a sharp knife when knowing that, at this age, she would really be chatting had it not been for autism.  Top it off, today, my babycenter weekly update says:

Big talkers
Ages 4 and 5 are sometimes called the chatterbox years. Talking is how your child gets a handle on the intricacies of the language and also learns, expresses new ideas, and forms social relationships. So be patient if your 5-year-old doesn't ever seem to pause. This is an important and necessary developmental stage — not to mention a fun one. Hearing her every thought expressed is like having a window into her brain!

Talk about a curveball!  Most days, I am at peace with life as it is.  Other days, like today, her autism really hurts.  And when I think of those autistic kids who eventually found a way to communicate, and they say they did have things to say but couldn't get their bodies to say them, I can only imagine what my Janai might want to say to me, and she gets frustrated because she can't.  Maybe one day I will muster the courage to take that description off the title.  For now, it remains because I pray that one day she can return to being that: my chatter box.